I’d like to begin a Conversation.

A conversation that we might have over time; a conversation that  includes kindness, respect, opposing sides, courageous vulnerability, intelligence, and love.

 

I can see (more) clearly now as life has slowed during these last few months of COVID.

There is more time for contemplation and puttering amid the early summer flowers on my small patio.

 

We all tend to have a voice in our head with whom we carry on conversations (and no, silly beans, I am not referring to schizophrenia!). I’m speaking of the “higher self”, the “guardian angel”, “good mom” or “ good dad”, “ best friend”, “confidant”... “God” or “Gaia” or “Buddha nature” if you will. Whatever we call it doesn’t really matter. Yet the nature of the voice and its tone do matter greatly.

I remind my friends and clients that if you are going to carry on a running conversation in your head every day, the very least it must be is kind.
There is enough hatred and division in the world outside. We receive no benefit from continuing the nastiness within our own heads.

when the running commentary in our heads becomes too noisy, I believe it is important to slow down, to think less and to “be” more.

 

Recently I have been seeking the answers to what the last quarter of my life will hold. Do you ever ponder this for yourself? As the world has been shuttered in during the pandemic, the quiet grows, and thoughts slow.  I am resting in the space between the thoughts.

 

My metaphor for today relates to a sweater (Reagan by Isabelle Kramer) which I began knitting a week or so ago. It’s been very popular on Ravelry, and has been around for several years, yet it is new to me.

It begins with knitting a 32” long rectangle in simple stockinette stitch. The fancy fingers out there in blogville sometimes critique this part as boring, mundane and a brain drain, but I see it as a simple meditation. Movement of my fingers in a rhythm that does not require looking at my hands nor counting stitches. It allows my mind to wander more deeply into the daydreams.

 

As I carefully read and reread the instructions on the pattern before I began,  I could not see how this long rectangle would fit into the sweater. My brain would not translate. (You might well be chuckling here, saying that never happens to you but bear with me.... there’s a point coming).

In that moment when I simply could not create the desired three D image in my mind, I decided instead to let go of control. I returned to focus on the softness of the yarn (Opal dyed by The Woolen Rabbit) and the unique flow of colors created by the artful dyer, Kim.

 

How many things in life offer this level of carefree passage of time?

And do you allow yourself this slower rhythm?

 

Here is the metaphor I referred to earlier;  as with making this sweater, I believe that we can usually relax our white knuckle grip on the direction of our lives, and be more introspective and calm along the way. I have found that I notice more when I allow myself to be “in” the process rather than racing to the end.

 

Ghandi said “There is more to life than simply increasing its speed.”

 

I, personally, am built more for strolling, puttering, relaxing my timetable, instead of fast paced movements and frantic scanning of all around me.

Presence. Trusting the process. Following the guides you have chosen. Doing one’s best. Noticing and enjoying all the things along the way.

 

The sweater and it’s sleeves have now emerged from the needles, looking much like a shrug that was popular about ten years ago. In the morning, I will pick up stitches along the instructed edges and begin the lace portion of this project.

I love what is born of colored balls of yarn and simple needles.

Comments

[claudia]

Teyani, I think many of these same things. You aren't alone in this. And, I'm going to look up that sweater now. I hope today is a good one for you!

[kmkat]

I am glad you are back! Letting go is simultaneously hard and easy. Good for you for accomplishing it.