thoughts. 1

Tonight there is a big hole in the place where conversation used to be… and I am wondering how much of my rambling thoughts I would like to print in this very public space..

Yet I find that the epic loneliness that is pervasive in our current culture has now hit home with me. It is here, knocking on my walls, just for this night.

 

I am basically your well balanced adult woman.

I have successfully, and single handedly (for the most part) raised two incredible daughters. I have loved and been loved.. I have friends who bless my life daily.

 

I have social organizations which I belong to (an amazing choral group, and a knitting group)

I have a full time job as a therapist which can be very isolating (see below for more thoughts) and a part time job that is very social with younger women.

I hang out with friends for a beer at least once a week, and knitting also once a week, and once or twice each week will have lengthy conversations with my parents, daughters and / or a close friend…………………………….

I have hobbies (knitting, spinning, piano playing, singing, blogging, facebooking, reading, scrabble (words with friends on Facebook) etc.)

 

And so, to tell you the truth, if I was evaluating me right now, I would wonder why this big blob of loneliness has suddenly hit me.

It has, and it is huge. It is like lava spewing all over everything, burning and melting goodness in its path…. And leaving a charred ugly smell behind tonight.

 

And it will pass.

I know this.

It will pass.

 

But tonight, I need to send out these thoughts into the ethers and hope that kindness catches them.

I worked with an amazing young woman tonight as a new client.

She is going through a heartbreak that no Mother should ever have to survive. And I am honored to be working with her as a client, and humbled. It is both all at once.

Her session with me was profound. And she is a fabulous young woman. (about 33 or so). And I am so very honored.

 

And somehow tonight when I wandered in, and my cats greeted me at the door (as they always do), I wished … just for a moment… that there was a somebody to share this with… the “I am so very blessed to do what I do for a living” feeling…….

I spoke it….

And the house was silent..

Comments

[sprite]

Sending you hugs ...

[Jane]

but you spoke it here...and I receive your words, and you bless me with them. thank you for your transparency, your grace. you are a beautiful woman. blessings.

[Carole]

If I could hop on a plane right now and be there to ease your loneliness and hear your story, well, you know I would. I hope today is a brighter day.

[Wollgut]

It is impossibly difficult right now, but you are right: it will pass, it will get better!!

[margene]

You came to friends, friends who listen. If there is anything I can do please let me know. Would hearing a voice help? I'm sending big hugs and wrapping you in love from afar.

[Manise]

I hear you Teyani. It's sometimes hard not to absorb a client's story and have it leave that feeling behind. Keep talking girl. We are all here for you. I hope today is better.

[Sidney]

Being alive on the planet right now can be daunting in many ways, not the least of which is loneliness in the midst of the hubbub. Saying it out loud eases it a bit, and gives us all a chance to affirm everything that is good and right and true. Thank you for that. Blessings on your new day.

[Chris]

:( *BIG HUG*

[Amelia Garripoli]

Ahhhh ... yes. That hits home. In part, it is the time of year. In part, it is that you are taking on another's issues, helping them work through and resolve a terrible grief. Sometimes our burdens bow us down. Take out your wheel and spin, take out your needles and knit, or pick up a cat and stroke it; these are the balms that soothe me when I'm faced with someone else's needs and take them on my own shoulders.

Sending hugs and strength your way. You are an amazing woman, you can stand tall and straight and be proud of what you are and what you have in front of you.

[Diane]

Sending hugs to you, and thank you for trusting us all with your thoughts! I don't know how counselors of all sorts don't act as a sponge for all the raw emotions they are entrusted with. Thank you for all you do!

[KathleenC]

Yes, I know the feeling, I have known it well... many (((hugs))) though they are only key strokes...

[Ruinwen]

*hugs*
I wish I lived nearer and could come over and sit and chat over a pot of tea. I will send you reiki tonight and if I don't get snowed in again...something special tomorrow. *hugs*

[Holly]

It was not what we planned, was it? It was not how we were raised (grow up, get married, have children, career and go old together).

It doesn't matter, on those days when the cold bites and the walls close in, whether being alone is a choice or, like fame, thrust upon you.

And, it is a question of who heals the healer. Knowing you are not alone in the ether might not be of help - but we, and all that lovely wool can certainly help fill those minutes and hours till the warmth creeps in again.

[Vicki]

Thinking of you.

[Leah]

I'm late to read this, but I wanted you to know: just as you have been there for me in the past, I know that I and many others are there for you, now and always. Many hugs, Teyani!

[Laurie]

It's hardwired. We didn't do well alone, survived better in groups. That doesn't help where you are now, since survival isn't the question. Here's virtual hugs, and a shared glass of wine, me encouraging you to pull out some knitting while we put our feet up on the table and hug toes.