Tonight there is a big hole in the place where conversation used to be… and I am wondering how much of my rambling thoughts I would like to print in this very public space..
Yet I find that the epic loneliness that is pervasive in our current culture has now hit home with me. It is here, knocking on my walls, just for this night.
I am basically your well balanced adult woman.
I have successfully, and single handedly (for the most part) raised two incredible daughters. I have loved and been loved.. I have friends who bless my life daily.
I have social organizations which I belong to (an amazing choral group, and a knitting group)
I have a full time job as a therapist which can be very isolating (see below for more thoughts) and a part time job that is very social with younger women.
I hang out with friends for a beer at least once a week, and knitting also once a week, and once or twice each week will have lengthy conversations with my parents, daughters and / or a close friend…………………………….
I have hobbies (knitting, spinning, piano playing, singing, blogging, facebooking, reading, scrabble (words with friends on Facebook) etc.)
And so, to tell you the truth, if I was evaluating me right now, I would wonder why this big blob of loneliness has suddenly hit me.
It has, and it is huge. It is like lava spewing all over everything, burning and melting goodness in its path…. And leaving a charred ugly smell behind tonight.
And it will pass.
I know this.
It will pass.
But tonight, I need to send out these thoughts into the ethers and hope that kindness catches them.
I worked with an amazing young woman tonight as a new client.
She is going through a heartbreak that no Mother should ever have to survive. And I am honored to be working with her as a client, and humbled. It is both all at once.
Her session with me was profound. And she is a fabulous young woman. (about 33 or so). And I am so very honored.
And somehow tonight when I wandered in, and my cats greeted me at the door (as they always do), I wished … just for a moment… that there was a somebody to share this with… the “I am so very blessed to do what I do for a living” feeling…….
I spoke it….
And the house was silent..